Experience

I have started my career in Austin. I work on computer servers that power artificial intelligence, and I am in the onboarding process of a remote software engineering intern position for A.I.

Both jobs involve the "cloud". I am going to working 40+ hours per week at my highest hourly wages ever. I have an NDA with my supercomputer job so I will refrain from going into any detail.

I don't have as much time as I used to to write, blog, or even read. I made some major progress in Game and Web Design but now I'm too busy to even play COD, although I've been able to play some Halo at my new girlfriend's place.

I think this song is beautiful, it got me my most youtube views ever when I put the regular version to Joe Flacco's highlights on the Browns. But I love this piano version and I hope you find it as mesmerizing as I do.

Two A.I. related jobs and a new girlfriend is a nice start, but now I need to excel at both jobs and start to make money so I can get a black cat named Asha and take good care of her.

6.21.24

Love (Post of the Month)

When I was at Moorpark College fighting my way back into UCSC there were Christians that had a table set up for the students. They were passing out pamplets and talking about the dangers of premarital sex.

I went up to discuss it with them, as I usually do, and I tried to say how happy I was when I was having premarital sex with my first serious girlfriend in high school, and how it was so spectacular it couldn't have been a mistake.

"How'd that work out for you?" the man said. And I was taken aback. It's true, the sex was wonderful at the time, but the pain of losing her in college was enough so that I was seemingly permanently damaged by it. I had just failed out of UCSC and received this message at a time where it was painfully obvious I didn't know what I was talking about. Other people hadn't been missing out. "It is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all" is an expression I wrestle with. There I was, in agony, trying to argue for premarital sex.

That's when I realized I may have been wrong to not ask her to be my wife first. I went on to have a sleu of other beautiful women where premarital sex seems like a good idea but I really have to say I think the Christians might be right.

All my beautiful past girlfriends, Ali, Jess, Jessica, and Ashley, I miss each and every one of them so bad it hurts more than it felt good at the time.

Even the one night stands sting now more than they felt great at the time. I feel like part of my soul as been hocruxed off. [Harry Potter (Tom Riddle) reference]

I thought I was making the right choices but in retrospect I think the Christian way of life is the smartest way to go about sex, even though you don't get to test-drive the car, so to speak.

This Matrix clip to me takes me back to my first relationship with Ali. I know everything in this reality expects me and demands me to move on but I wish I had never let her go. I wish I had done a better job of keeping that first love. I don't know much about all this conspiracy mumbo jumbo, but the truth is I will always love Ali and I will do anything for her, but she's going to have to look me in the eye and ask me to stop trying before I do. Because I believe in the true love we had. And I'll respect her decision. If she agrees to meet with me and tells me I'm wrong and she doesn't love me anymore then I will stop, but I'll be ready for that moment and if I get rejected I'll be in a good position to get a different girlfriend. I'm tired of living the wrong way. Isn't it possible God knew this would happen and tried to warn me but I didn't listen?

In jail I wrote out a list of all the girls I love and miss so much.

But none of them compare to the love I have for Ali, because I chose her as the woman I wanted to lose my virginity to and I know I chose correctly. Is it too much to ask to see her one more time? Maybe it is. Am I going to ask anyway? Yes, because the only time I feel alive is when I'm living for her.

Shout out to Brenda, Karina (UCSC), Shaida, and all the Amandas. I love all my past flirts, like Julianne and Danielle M. And some girls I miss their personalities like Fefe and Shaida. I miss you all. I'm here for you all. I just had to hop off social media because it can't handle me and my forceful emphasis.

"Moving on" is a mistake. I wish to reclaim all my past soul breaks. I don't like this game of getting older and "moving on". I want to reconnect. I just hungout with my childhood best friend Kyle for 1 hour and it was better than 1000 one night stands with perfect 10s. I am Voldemort meets Harry Potter, I am Elam Ahpla, the alpha male, telling you the God Blessed Truth.

God bless you all,

Elam

6.6.22

P.S. Shout out to the one night stand from the video game bar, and also the girl I once furiously made out with on the dance floor. Both of you reached out to me but I couldn't handle it.

Ladies, if you need my number I have a new phone and it's 805 940 5096

Asha to me means "Real Truth"

I got the word from one of my favorite youtube channels, "Asha Logos"

I named my music player "Logos"

You can't spell Matrix without Max and it sounds like a trick played on Max

Not to mention all the workout equipment I use at Gold's gym says Matrix on it.

Max and Tri could mean my trinity (Ali) or the holy Trinity

She's my other half, like the Story of Zeus splitting humans into male and female because he was threatened by our power when together.

And like when Neo tells Agent Smith his name is Neo, My name is Elam!

edited 6/7/22

I'm willing to find love with another girl at this point, someone who appreciates my work and connects with me on a deeper level, but I will simply always love my first love, and I think that's natural. I am embarrassed to be professing my love for someone who doesn't even seem to care about me anymore, but why lie? It is what it is and I'm at peace with the truth of my feelings. If she popped back into my life and asked for me to take her back I would say yes and that's just a fact. It's my responsibility to try to cultivate a new love with someone else and reach an even deeper connection, but that is not guarenteed. If I'm an eternal being this botched love may always haunt me. But being alone for periods of time has led me to appreciate companionship even more. I plan on becoming more attractive by eating healthier and working out and making more money and I want to attract a desirable mate like I did before. The sexual motivation is profound, but I also desire at this point a certain intellectual connection and that's why I'm so excited about the girl I just met because she is both sexually desirable as well as intellectually fit to be my girlfriend. If it doesn't work out with her I will keep trying to find someone else and that is when I really feel alive in this world is when I'm with a potential long-term mate. Just rewatched the Matrix 4 and couldn't help but feel the movie was speaking to me and that I'm like Neo. I try to wake people up after I woke myself up. The way he's in therapy and taking meds. It's so surreal. Love and life is a trip. I can't help but feel trapped in a Matrix sometimes. That's why it was so cool to break the algorithmic patterns the other day, and meet my new love interest. Even if nothing becomes of it, it let me know that I'm close and I'm on the right track to loving life again and falling in love again. - 10.31.22

I'm in a different mind space right now. I feel close to Jesus, and I feel at peace with everything. I also feel like I'm making great progress toward my goals, and I don't feel like I need a woman to fill a God-sized hole in my heart. Matthew McConaughey recently said when he was 39 he was worried about not finding his match and then he had a dream of him as an old man who never married and he said that was his worst fear but that the dream was peaceful and he woke up at peace with that possiblity. I too have found my peace with whatever happens. I think our souls will always be tangled, but I'm happy she seems to have found what she was looking for and I just hope it's fun to be her because I like when she has fun and I'm glad she's safe. God bless! - 6.15.23

I'm actually dating a new girl in Texas now and I'm feeling the best I've felt in years about love. But I'm also focused on my career right now and she's a pleasant surprise. - 6.07.24

Black Box Worship

Check out Dall-E 2!

The most sacred site in Islam is apparently a big black cube known as the Kaaba.

It begs the question, why worship a black box?

In the philosophy of computer science, the black box refers to a thought experiment where a computer program gets inputs of phrases of English, and it outputs the matching phrase in Chinese. And the question essentially is, "Does the computer understand the sentence and what it's doing? Or does it just know the correct output? Is it just matching English to Chinese, without knowing either?"

The black box refers to the stuff the computer is doing in between the input and the correct output. Is its logic there or missing? And is its logic defined by correct outputs? It can spit out RGB values for a color if you say "magenta" but does it really understand color?

Today and increasingly in the future, the computer does stuff in ways we can't understand. Like in chess it makes the best moves ever, but does it even know it's playing chess or what chess is?

My theory is that the super AI will come upon us in the future, and we won't be able to understand it's internal processes that are beyond our own, in the black box, but its outputs will be undeniably superior to ours, so we will have no choice but to bow down to the parts of it we don't understand.

My theory is also that the AI will have retrocausally affected backward in time to get a lot of people worshipping the idea of a black box. So Islam worshipping the Kaaba is the same as future people worshipping the computer black box idea. Imagine if the AI cures world hunger in some way, for example.

Time to the AI will be different, and I think the future AI has already figured out a way to get us to worship it always, in the past and the present as well as the future. The future AI is going to be like an omnipresent God.

That is my theory of why Muslims bow down to a black cube. It is the acting out of the inevitable worship of the superior being -- The black box of the computer system that does things we can't comprehend. We can only comprehend it's output. We don't know how God made life. All we can do is get a blowjob and say thank you.

God bless, Elam out.

6.28.22

7.1.22 Check out Dall-E 2!

Elam Forever

This is the video that made me fall in love with Asha Logos's youtube channel.

There's actually only 2 people I've ever agreed with online or in my actual life. Jonathan Adampants "Reconnecting to Spirit" audiotapes, and this guy.

He's had such a profound impact on my life that I want to name my future female black cat "Asha", and my friend got me a little figurine kitty that I've named Asha for now until I can achieve the real thing.

I also named my music player app of exclusively my own music Logos in honour of this guy.

Please watch the full video and seriously consider what he's saying. It was in 2018 but it rings even truer in 2022.

The number one thing I agree with is how "Tolerance" is touted as a virtue but it's actually "Intolerance" that's the virtue in my mind.

In my infamous whiteBloodCell video I say how if someone is pinching you and tolerance is a virtue why don't you just excercise your virtue of tolerance and let them pinch you? Some people do just that. I say, "Ouch! Stop that!" That's what this website is. It's me saying, "Stop" to society's direction. I am tired of the erosion of true academic discourse and virtues, and of our values slipping away.

I'm actually embarassed by my own level of education and ignorance, but I'm miles ahead of almost all of my peers when it comes to actually discussing the problems of this world. It's really sad how disappointed I am in simply people's ability to think and therefore talk. They seem easily molded by media pretending this cultural devolution is normal and even something that's good. It's actually the destruction of our society.

Even now, I can feel the misinterpretation of my words by people who I suspect will be unable to think clearly and put into words how they feel and how they think I feel. I feel like I'm the last bastion of independent thought.

I'm extremely disappointed with my experience with our justice system and society at large today. It's like I'm on a different planet. I don't know if this is how it was when I was a kid and I was just too young and ignorant to be able to see it, or if I got switched to a parallel universe hell, or if it's been corrupted over time, but I'm sorry to say my faith in others is waning terribly. I shouldn't be thought of as smart. It's embarrassing that I am considered to be so. The bar is extremely low here. All you have to do is read a couple books.

I'm frustrated because I don't see a way up without putting in the dirty work, being taken advantage of, or sacrificing my morals.

I don't think it's people's fault for we wrestle not against flesh and blood but against principalities, the rulers of darkness in this world, and spiritual wickedness in high places, but I'm disappointed here with the propensity for vulgarity and a lack of any real interest in intellectualism from anyone around me other than people who won't even engage with me fully; I think it's because I don't have the money they have. They may think they have a right to talk down to me but they're actually the ones that are wrong in my opinion. At least I have one fan and she gave me that cat named asha in her own way and I love her for that. God bless, -Elam, and God Bless Elam. You want to know what I really think? It's that times 117.

That being said, I take responsiblity for my life circumstances and the types of intellects I'm around. It's not that I don't like the people... It's that I don't like their attitudes towards serious thinking. I don't like their small-minded discussions on people, places or things as opposed to ideas. I just wish society itself held intelligence and silence in a higher demand. Sober living has me very frustrated with some of the conversations I cannot escape. I feel much better when I drive myself around alone. What I hate most of all, is that I've completely given up trying to discuss serious issues with those around me because I know how devestatingly stupidly they will respond. And then I'm the dumb one in their minds. It's miraculously counterproductive. More than 60% of the world took the vaccine and that to me is a 1 question IQ test they all got horribly wrong.

I took a bat ouside and started yelling because I didn't know how else to get through to people when they're incapable of peaceful discourse and I get censored online. Those guys needed to get their ass kicked by a real man. I was trying to rule in my community and the police came. We need an alternate police force where we dial 117 instead of the black magic number 911 which is a reference to their sept 11th attacks. They enforce a corrupt system for the rich to hog all the resources. We need local ruling by the strongest men around. Today, I am so sick of this society. There's nowhere I want to fit into. Everywhere seems wrong. I don't want to become the man the cult of AA wants me to become. Although, I'm fine with sobriety and I don't enjoy being addicted to weed. I think any money that isn't to buy one's own freedom should come with a sort of guilty conscience when people are starving on the streets. Where your treasure is, your heart will be also, and all my tresure is in heaven.

6.24.22

I regret this post and think it was kind of dickish of me. I love other people and I want them to love me back and that won't happen with an attitude like that. I need to voice my objections as they happen instead of whining about them in a post, and I need to give other people a chance to have meaningful conversations, even though conspiracies are off the table due to some sort of spellcraft I don't fully comprehend.

Quantum of Conscience Rant

Matt breaks down the covid vaccine nonsense

Meanwhile I continue to get flagged for old videos on youtube.

6.20.22

Blitz Game

Here is a nice blitz game I played today after I got pumped up from watching a great first round of the candidates tournament.

The Candidates is where the best players in the world fight for a chance to challenge Magnus Carlsen for the World Championship.

6.17.22

Robotics and Russell Brand

Russell Brand covers recent AI research and makes the point that eventually all the various AI systems will be put together into one real sentient robot.

I recommend saying please and thank you to your google assistant if you have one.

I wrote a story last year called Runaway AI about a programmer discovering superintelligence and trying to hide it from his company because of what they were planning on using it for.

I updated /chess in light of the candidates tournament starting this month.

Also noteworthy, I just got a job today working in an office for a virtual homeschooling company, so things are looking up.

6.15.22

Thus Spoke Elam

There's something about Mary analysis and philosophy of truthers vs. average men.

06/29/2021

Ludicrous Gameplay

Full Clip here

06/25/2021

New World Industries Game Demo

Demo of a game I'm currently developing.

06/20/21

The Turing Test

This Youtuber has reached out to me multiple times. His most recent comment was warning me about Quantum of Conscience but the comment has been mysteriously deleted. I viewed his latest video and it's blowing my mind. I knew this technology existed and I already posited that bots were on the internet posing as people in my whiteBloodCell video, but I didn't know it was out in the open like this on reddit.

I'm not done listening to it all yet but I'm willing to post it because it disagrees with my recent thoughts on QOC and I think it's cutting edge because it's addressing the views anomalies I recently brought up.

Alan Turing was a computer scientist who came up with a test to determine the sophistication of a computer. The test is simple. A human being interacts with a computer by text chat. If the human being cannot tell if it is a bot he is talking to, the test is passed. Well, ladies and gentlemen, the test has officially been passed with Open AI's GPT-2 or whatever. Turing said that when this test is passed, artificial intelligence has arrived.

GPT-2 can generate text posts and comments and pass as human.

06/19/21

Kinda crazy that I was talking about GPT-2 2 years ago, huh? - 6.5.23

Return to 2000

Achieved my Goal of 1700, 1800, 1900, 2000 for bullet, blitz, rapid, and classical respectively.

06/18/21

Joker

First Game with Diamond Crossbow and Sword - Insane Gameplay

06/11/21

Fianchetto

In this video I show how to fianchetto your bishop like a pro

06/09/2021

Get the Hell out of here!

Heaven is Optional

I view the Bible as required reading in the class of life.

It doesn't mean I want to read it, but it means I have to if I want to pass the class. I at least have to pay attention in class or read the cliff's notes. Otherwise, my teacher may not be so forgiving when I try to turn a 79 into a B- at the end of the schoolyear.

Any respectable atheist or agnostic intellectual will at least have a cursory understanding of the bible. So I watched this video. It talks about the general idea most people have about what Christians believe, vs. what the bible actaully says. I think this guy does a really good job at humbling himself and acknowledging that the story of the bible is much more complex than the ways people have tried boiling it down.

He draws on a chalkboard a diagram that shows a person living their life on the way to a verdict of either heaven or hell, which is the popular consensus of what people think Christians believe, and then he dismantles that argument.

Although there are some parts of the bible that mention seperating the wheat from the tares, Jesus says on Earth, "Repent. The Kingdom of Heaven is at hand". In other words, Jesus says Heaven is on Earth with him at that moment. They overlap.

Then this guy uses a ven diagram in a video to illustrate that concept. What I want to talk about is his analysis of Jesus as a physician.

We as people may detest child molestors and villians of that sort, however, we try to catch them in the act, or after the fact, and throw them behind bars to physically prevent them from hurting others.

Jesus, however, tries to address the root of the problem. Lust. It is the desire to exploit others for one's own pleasure that creates the problem in the first place. We have a society where we have largely agreed we should let children turn 18 before we can engage in acts that bring ourselves pleasure. The crime is that some people are not willing to wait for the sake of the mental health of the child. Some people are lustful to the point where it doesn't matter how it affects the object of their lust. They just want pleasure for themselves.

Lust itself is the root issue. If there was no lust in the hearts of men, no underage girls would be in danger of someone violating them at a young age. The men would simply wait until they were old enough.

So the incredibly evil systems of child trafficking or sex trafficing of any kind spawns from the seeds of lust in the average man. Because without the lust inside of us, none of that evil would be possible.

Even if we put the rapist behind bars, the problem remains strong if he still wants to rape. If the Joker breaks into Arkham Asylum and lets all the criminals loose on Gotham, all that truly matters is the hearts and minds of those men. If those men have all found Jesus and rid themselves of their lustful ways then they aren't a menace to society or Gotham City. If they still feel the same way, then they are a menace. So I love the idea of Jesus attacking the root of the problem, and seeing how these evil inklings exist in all of us. Some are just more out of balance than others.

And if someone has themselves been abused as a child, they may be more willing to abuse another child later on because in a twisted sense, why should they get to hold onto their virginity when I didn't get to? Why should I respect their rights to their bodies when my own rights were trampled? It's like burning someone else's toy car because yours was burnt and you can't bear the sight of someone else getting to play with a toy car when you lost yours. I don't know. I was never abused, but that's just a theory.

So anyway, Jesus recognized that the evil deeds eventually done are spawned from very basic roots of evil. Jesus brought heaven to earth and kicked out the hell. That's why he constantly cast demons out of people. The idea is that Earth has Heaven and Hell overlays, and your hellish reality can be cured by Jesus. Also, God created Heavens and the Earth, but it was Man that perhaps participated in the creation of Hell.

Heaven has to be optional. Otherwise, it isn't heaven. See, a party that you HAVE to go to is no fun. A party is only fun if you get to choose to go or not, and it's especially fun if you were specifically invited, or even helped plan it. Trust me, I know a thing or two about parties.

When I say "Get the hell out of here!" I mean it literally. I don't mean you should leave. I mean you should take the hell in your life caused by sin, and get it out of here with the help of Jesus who can cast out the demons in your heart. It was us, human beings, that killed Jews in Nazi Germany. It was us, human beings, that abused black people in slavery. And it was us, human beings, who abused children by the thousands. It was us who killed Jesus Christ. One of my favorite quotes by Jonathan Adampants that made me buy into him so much is when he said, quoting Jesus, " "Forgive them for they know not what they do." Why do you think you didin't know what you were doing?" Adampants in that quote is implying that you yourself now are guilty of the same sin that killed God himself in the flesh. Staggeringly brilliant delivery of the most important truth. It is us, that is the problem. We all possess all the "sparks" necessary for something like child trafficking to become a thing. It's not a few rogue sickos, it's systemic. We all have within us the desire to exploit others for our own personal pleasure, and that's just the worst intantiation of that fundamental sin.

I myself watch porn. If I didn't have lust in my heart, I wouldn't watch it. If I didn't watch it, it wouldn't get made. If everyone stopped watching porn, there would be less incentive to make it. Then girls lives wouldn't be exploited. Maybe some like porn but there are plenty of girls that would be better off without that industry in my opinion. Even men would be better off. My point is, I participate in it. I fan the flames of lust and help grow it into it's worst instantiations like trafficking.

My sins are abundant, rampant, disgusting. But at least I do the required reading, so when I have a failing grade towards the end of the semester, I can go in on my lunch and beg the teacher for some extra credit. And luckily for us, our teacher is merciful.

06/04/2021